In the past I have had issues surrounding forgiving and letting go. I would drag my accumulating life issues through to the next "phase" of my life only to recreate the very same situation I had in the past, only with different life characters. I want to remind you all that forgiveness is key to letting go and freeing yourself to a life you love and dream of.
Forgiveness has a big part to play in my life at the moment and with that a lot of negative feelings of shame, hurt, grief and guilt bubble up with it, before the release comes. I thought I would share my feelings and thoughts on this incase it gave any of you some inspiration to do your own forgiveness work.
Well, most of us know, that shit is challenging. So fricken challenging. I sometimes feel I take 2 steps forward just to take 5 steps back! My ego battles with my inner soul knowing daily, if you know what I mean.
Forgiveness is something that if put into practice will change your life and your inner feelings, thoughts and image on the world, drastically. By putting forgiveness into conscious practice we are choosing to face our demons, self inflicted or inflicted on us from someone or something outwardly from us. We ALL have hurts we have caused or experienced. Without forgiveness those hurts, those negative feelings will linger until and if we finally choose to turn and face them.
Suppression and ignorance will only get you so far. If you choose a life of numb, anger and sadness this is your decision, some of us just can't summon the energy and stamina to "kill him with kindness" 😊 soz that song just came on and feels totally relevant.
Fighting against forgiveness with fire will only stimulate more hate, more hurt, more anger, more drama and more negativity to your life. Have you heard of the theory "like attracts like", yep exactly.
I have chosen this path in the past many times and turned to binge boozing, heartless sex for the absolute wrong reasons and lots of it, and self loathing with a whole shit load of anxiety and absolute yuck feeling on the come down, just to do the cycle all over again. Usually until the universe says "that's enough" in its own harsh lesson way and I have a mini or mega break down. I am stronger now, I am choosing to hold my power in my own hands and choosing a different path for myself. If you struggle with life sometimes like I do, I highly recommend you do the same.
The sweetest revenge comes in the form of forgiveness and letting go.
Turning to face the hurt is scary, it takes courage and it takes allowing yourself to feel EVERYTHING! You will cry, most likely scream or whimper a little, shake, feel like you may vomit and potentially want to punch everyone in the face that speaks to you. But we are human and that is what we do we feel!
Could I have done more, shame of my actions and reactions, was I not sexy enough, self doubt and questioning am I worthy enough, a sense of sadness and grief of time lost and letting go of the energy put into loved ones on a journey of their own, and forgiving actions of others, done out of fear and misunderstandings. These are feelings that are coming up for me at the moment. What is coming up for you in your life at the moment?
Something to try: Take a slow, deep breath in and then out. Settle into your heart space, somewhere you won't be disturbed. Grab your journal or a piece of paper and write, uncensored as only you will see this, but it helps to get out verbally or via writing what secret, angry and raw feelings you think but never express, using these prompts: (Leave whatever doesn't resonate with you, and create your own as necessary)
What situation and who do I need to forgive? (Through out your whole life, but whatever pops up first is what your intuition is telling you is most crucial in your life, in this present moment) Why did this person react this way/treat me this way/choose these actions? Are/were they struggling with there own issues and if so can you try to settle in their shoes to see it from a different perspective? How do you feel about what has happened? What are you holding onto that you need to forgive about yourself, how you have acted, spoken, or treated someone or treated yourself? What stimulated you to act or think in this way? Is there a deeper, suppressed issue that you have ignored that keeps resurfacing? What steps can you take to forgive this person or yourself and break the cycle?
I would also recommend meditation post reflection, to help heal what will resurface when doing this exercise. 😌 Or dance it out (refer to my Show Up For Yourself post).
Forgiveness does not mean we forget what has hurt us or come about, it does mean we are opening our minds towards a higher and more fulfilling life for ourselves. One free of suppression, self hate, suppressed anger and guilt that eats away at us for lifetimes. Holding a grudge and resentment keeps us bitter, forgiving and letting go keeps us free.
Forgiveness is a process, some hurts run deeper than others. Do the work. Be gentle on yourself and don't expect it to happen at once. Forgive not for others, forgive for yourself. Set your soul free. And you will be.
Lots of Love Amy Dee xx