Updated: Apr 15, 2018
A few events as of late have stimulated me to write a post on self image.
There is so much society driven pressure to look a certain way, be of a certain level of perfection physically, to be desired and loved by others, that we have simply lost the skill of loving ourselves and appreciating the body we reside in.
It is simply impossible to be "perfect", once you reach what you perceive as "perfect" we will only find another level of perfection to strive towards, all the while believing within ourselves that we are not enough. Well I have some news for you, you are enough, just exactly as you are no matter what your flaws, so please stop striving and simply start loving.
We have simply lost connection with our true selves, on what is truly important and the love and kindness we all deserve and have to give, how simply beautiful we are with all of our flaws and sometimes because of them.
We are living in an age were we judge, and feel judged constantly, all based on the way we act, look, dress, speak and what material "things" we own. It is no wonder at all that we end up with self hate, anxiety, self sabotaging thoughts and low self esteem. We gossip and ridicule each other to come across as "better". We spend hundreds upon thousands on vanity trying to look like somebody else instead of just looking like ourselves!
I would know, coming from a background of 8 years in beauty and cosmetics. It's no wonder, that a lot of us beautiful ladies, and men, struggle to get ramped up in the "feeling sexy" department. The way we ridicule and judge ourselves on looks, materialistic value, and external expectations of a society driven world of what beauty is, is largely to blame.
Working in the beauty and spa industry really shon a light on how much society, media, and the ever growing beauty industry has dimmed so many of our sexy lights!
I have had clients coming in for make up, asking to look like Kim K (literally), I mean honestly what's wrong with looking like your beautiful self. Bosses who have told me off for not wearing bright enough lippy and having crazy ass Maori hair (I am honestly always well presented at work so this blew my mind, how's that for making someone feel inadequate, I mean soz for having an Afro, I'm doing my best to control it daily okay!). Work mates who would tell me and each other we were fat, when we are literally far from it, and the lists go on.
Honestly as much as I have meet some amazing humans during my 8 years in beauty, the horrible reality is the vanity of it just punctures my heart in the self love department, setting me up with deep dark self loathing, I'm not good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, worthy enough, self sabotaging and very un true beliefs for a big portion of my life so far. And this isn't even the extent of it when we look at the issues from a world wide perspective.
We spend so much time looking outwardly at ourselves that we miss our truest, sexiest and most stunningly light up the room beauty that resides inside and will project outwards when we finally stand up and speak our truth.
Be brave, dress how you want to instead of what you think is "society acceptable", however makes you feel sexy and hot to trot. Move how you want, speak your truth, wear make up, don't wear make up, embrace your crazy hair, straighten your hair, do whatever the fuck you want to, but do so because you feel good not because you feel pressured or expected to. The only limit you truly have is the one you put on yourself. Don't let society rule how you feel about yourself anymore.
Choose to stand up and see people for their true beauty instead of seeing them for their society preached downfalls and placing your unwarranted judgement. If to be a good human is not a good enough reason, come back to the age old reason of "treat others how you want to be treated" and the majority of us know, battling with judgement of any kind is never a fun time. Putting in my judgment has only ever got me into trouble along with that horrible guilty and unfulfilled feeling of being in full knowledge that we are all individual, have our own style, thoughts and feelings, so called imperfections and "weird" shiz so who gives a crap and who am I to put my judgement on that precious soul. It is a habit we have all got into, but the time has come to change our mindset on this people.
Get busy loving yourself, creating your own version of sexy in your own unique shape and form instead on focusing on what others think, dress like or present themselves and feel your confidence fly.
I am not saying that I believe self care is a waste of time. Far from it! What I am saying is analyse why you want something done, changed or altered. For instance looking tidy and presentable actually makes me feel good about myself, gives me confidence and when I give myself some self care loving it does truly do wonders for my own mental state. e.g getting my brows done, having a wax, getting my nails done, looking after my skin and hair.
But that is not to say that others feel sexy or beautiful by the things that make me feel sexy, but why in the heck does that effect or bother you? It doesn't. Just do what makes you feel good, and loved from yourself and leave others to do the same.
Try to be conscious. Are you doing and wanting these things done to be a healthier, more confident version of yourself, or are you doing it in pursuit of looking like someone else, being better than someone else, changing who you are. If that is the case, I'm sorry but not sorry that will never happen. You are put on the earth to be you so rock that shit baby
Something to try:
I try and do this daily before I jump in the shower or whenever I have the chance I give myself a big hug and repeat the following mantras several times, it helps to retrain my thought patterns and give myself some soulful loving, some days it is more challenging than others but the days it challenges you is the all the more reason you need to do it:
"I love me, in all my sexy goodness"
"I am perfect whole and complete"
"I love myself with purity, acceptance and grace"
The self image wound takes time to heal if not a lifetime of self practice. I am mostly wanting to spread a message of support to any of you out there who have struggled with the depth of self hate that I have in the past and still do at times. You are not the only one. We are in a time that we all need to be there in support of each other, to help raise each other up not stamp each other down in the ego driven desire to be better.
For me personally a mindful and spiritual path has helped me to find a healing option that works but for each of you, you may have to experiment and find a path that helps you to reconnect with your true beauty.
Whatever works for you, I support you and am always here for a loving booster if you need it, just drop me a line. Choose to be you in all your beauty inside and out.
Lots of love
Amy Dee xx