On writing this I had relatively recently separated with my partner of 3 years. The relationship had been up and down for a long time but I had been on my own self discovery journey of love, light and self sex only, when the downs (aka separations) were upon us, as I was experiencing my own deep soul healing.
So when I finally made the decision that I was ready to jump back on the sexy bandwagon (aka cock), as a single woman it was something that I was REALLY struggling to not overthink.
I new I was ready to let go for good, I new I was ready to discover sex on a new level as a yet again, single, independent and sexually empowered woman and I was slowly trying to open myself up to receiving goodness but fuck, I was scared.
So in true Amy style my first re-single sexy experience was all class. Drunk as a skunk, in the back of my car tap and gap style.
He was lovely, we both choose to flow into the moment and take it for what was, light hearted, self loving sex and it was fun. But in the true nature of being a woman, I couldn’t help the moments of anxiety post my first sexy adventure creep in for the days that followed.
I felt like I had abandoned my beliefs of soulful sex. I was drunk, so my ability to connect to my pussy, high vibe energy and sense of self was altered, we barely new each other so obviously weren’t in love, I doubted my worth, my ability to preform sexually, my body, my mind and my soul. The anxiety of one night stands well and truly rushing straight back in, as though all of the work I had done on my sexy self in one drunken evening flew out the window.
So after having many discussions with my bestie, my mentor and my soul about this situation and them all reminding me of the fact that even though I was drunk which definitely was not in the “plan” of my first sexy experience out of a relationship. I still consciously choose to sex it up, I CHOOSE it. Not out of fear of not being good enough, not to validate my beauty, not out of the need to feel wanted, loved and appreciated by another (because I am now capable of providing these feels for myself). I choose to do it because I am worthy of sex, passion, lust and sexy goodness weather I am single or in a partnership.
I realized that society is the one with the issue of one night stands, and because of this, it made me question my own moral and worth post sexy one night stands.
So I thought I would share my 5 tips for dealing with the anxiety’s, deep shadow feels that can arise when we embark on single sexy adventures. Because, well, we deserve single sex lady’s.
Be the queen that you are by choosing sex on your own terms and in a way that feels light, fun and free to you. Xxo
With your sexy friend making sure you are both clear on where you stand within the situation, and respecting each others wishes.
With your friends, the ones that have got your back, let them know how your feeling about it and what your honest, raw and real feelings are about the situation. Friends (if you have some goodies, if not maybs look at getting rid of them) are the bomb for tooting your horn, reality checking you, making you laugh, bringing clarity to how your feeling and how to move through shiz, and allowing you to vent that shit out clearing space in the beautiful mind of yours, for the goodness to seep back in.
With a mentor, counsellor or life coach if it feels good to you. I always turned my nose up at talking to a professional about my mental health stuff but honestly, working with life coaches, counsellors and my mentor was one of the best decisions of my life. Especially for the old one night stand anxiety 😉.
With yourself. Journal that shit out beautiful. After all is said and done, you know you better than ANYONE external from you. By journaling I have gained so much clarity, release and healing in my own life and in my mind.
Love Yourself –
Now is the crucial time to up the anti in the self loving game.
Whisper sweet words to yourself in the mirror, dance to your favorite tunes while feeling up your sexy self, give yourself some sexy self loving, eat delicious and nourishing food, move your body in whatever way works for you, recite affirmations, carry rose quartz in your bra, meditate on forgiveness and love, eat dark chocolate, surround yourself in people who make you laugh, take long lustful baths, do whatever it is that makes you feel tingly and nice all over and keep on doing it all over again.
Heal the scars –
The wounds and the deeper issue causing these anxieties that rise up post one night stands are what needs to be focused on rather than the situation itself.
The root of the cause of one night stand anxiety, in most cases have been collated for years, sometimes lifetimes from other events and beliefs taught to us.
A history of persecution for being a sexual woman in the form of hysteria, Chasity Belts, witch hunts and so many more horrendous events, the notion of being a “slut” for embarking in the natural human activity being sex, that to have single sex and to enjoy your moments of singledom in a sexually adventurous way is to fail at life and to resemble a mess, the need to be in a secured, monogamous and eternal long term relationship to be validated as a “sorted” human and many other beliefs have been pushed on to us as humans weather we are conscious of it or not, these can all stimulate one night stand anxieties.
Healing these scars can be as easy as journaling your old beliefs around single sex setting the intention to release and let go of these false and uncaring belief patterns (even burn these babies up if you feel the call) and then on a fresh page journaling your new, improved and soul liberating single sex belief choices.
Set Your Sexy Soul Free –
Practice makes perfect. Once you have communicated the shit out of your feels around single sex, loved yourself to death and gone deep on healing your sexy scars its time to set your sexy fire a light.
This tip is about honoring who you are as in independently sexual woman, in whatever form that flows from you naturally and owning it beautiful. If one night stands aren’t a fit for you cool, for me there have been times that I have absolutely felt the call to abstain and trust in that also, but I promise you, if you change your mindset, your deepest learned habits and unfulfilling belief systems and learn to love yourself on a deep and sexually empowered level single sex in all of its forms truly can be magical.
Set that sexy fire, if at first you don’t succeed, pick yourself up and try again 😉
High vibe, soul shaking sex takes practice and dedication, you got this honey boo xxo
Be your purpose, your soul mate and your best friend –
The most important tip I have for when working through one night stand anxiety’s and choosing to have a singledom sex life is to remember that no matter what, YOU are your purpose, your soul mate and your own best friend.
Regardless of any situation or sexy experience your sole purpose in this lifetime is to be happy and live a pleasure filled life. So that in mind it is important to always put yourself first and to also be selfish at times. Because being selfish is actually selfless in the long term. When you fill your cup first, become your own bestie and follow your soul truth in all things sexy you have an abundance of love to feed back to the world.
When you create this connection with self, this high vibing, soul loving, bestie connection there ain’t no sexy anxiety that is not concord-able.
Lots of Love
Amy Dee xxo