Do you foreplay? If not, why? Hate it, boring, takes up too much time or unsatisfyingly irritating?
OR are you scared, afraid, ashamed, or insecure? Scared of being seen, of being pleasured after centuries of persecution for being a sexual woman, afraid of vulnerability, of connection (far deeper than the length of his dick in your pussy). Scared of the fact that if you slow things down, let him see you, touch, caress and please you that you may ACTUALLY feel something that will make you lose yourself forever. That feeling of connection, feeling of love, feeling of that surge of glorious life force energy, sexual energy. Well you will not lose yourself honey, I promise you that much, if anything, foreplay for us woman is the key to self discovery, yes in all things sexy but also in life. Now I know a lot of you will roll your eyes when I stress the fact that the way we sex, the way we connect to this life force energy as they call it, that flows through our very being, is the key to how we feel in life. In simple terms, if you are having high vibe, mind blowing, connected, loved up, orgasmic sex (alone or partnered) do you not find that life just feels that little bit better, you feel a little less stressed and a whole shit load more excited to grab life by the balls and dance with the beautiful universe? Well if you can’t relate to the beautiful symptoms above, this post is most definitely for you! It's time to get intimate lovelys, and I am talking way more intimate than, the simple routine of panties down penis in intimacy, or “ahh hop on then” intimacy. I mean I get it we all have ebb and flows of libido, I am most definitely included, but foreplay is a crucial element that a lot of woman are missing out when they are sexing it up and I am calling BULLSHIT on all of your cute little excuses as to why you hate it, or don't bother with it, because I KNOW for a fact that if you gave it a chance, it would change up your whole sexy dynamic. The majority of women cannot orgasm from JUST penetrative sex and for some reason this is something we hideaway from. Which is ridiculous seen as the clit is the only organ on the human body (men and woman) that is purely designed for pleasure. So come on, get to it would ya, treat yo self. For the first, well, at least, 9 years of my sex life, I would attempt to completely skip foreplay as often as possible. Using the excuse that it “bore me”, that I don’t cum anyway so I would rather just get into it, that I just loved being penetrated mindlessly, ya know as ya do. There were some partners who would try to slow it down, and ya know if the lights were firmly OFF yea I could handle a little bit of playing around, until those bloody thoughts snuck there sneaky little way in, then I would be back to my old “Ahh just fuck me, I want you” trick. The truth was, I was scared, and I mean shit scared, to allow anyone to: 1) See me, like physically, see all of me 2) Make a soul connection with me, because if I had that, “fuck me bad boy” block up, no one could get at my sweet and loving heart, just incase he wanted to tear that baby out. 3) Witness me in my pleasure state, a state in which you are fully in your pleasure, embracing pleasure. (I’ll get to this later on.) 4) Make me feel like a burden, because a whole bunch of men (uneducated and selfish men by the way) told me how they hated foreplay, and I new if I was going to cum I was going to take a wee while, so I had given up. But I was robbing myself of pleasure lovelys, of connection, of self exploration, discovery and the real purpose of sex, LOVE. So let’s face these fears aye?!
Your body is beautiful, for shits sake it carries your soul so of course she’s beautiful! But in reality, body insecurity is very VERY present in this day and age and I feel ya.I want you to get use to seeing yourself naked first of all, pre and post shower take a couple of moments to gaze at your beautiful body, even and especially when, it feels uncomfortable and hurtful. I want you to look at your pussy, grab a mirror and look right up in there, well you get the jist, by doing this you are working on eliminating pussy phobia (a phobia that occurs when you are afraid of allowing others to truly see all of your pussy, yeah I made this phobia up, but its legit and yeah I get it to, its annoying) and then I want you to masturbate in front of a mirror, bring yourself to orgasm if you like, whisper your own name, tell her you love her (your body and soul that is) and look into your own eyes as you cum. Now for some of you this will feel VERY uncomfortable, I get it. But there is a method to this madness (or not so madness) I speak of. By witnessing all of you, you begin to eliminate the fear of being seen, by seeing your sexy self. Now I am not saying that for all of you this will be glorious the first time you try it, it can bring up a lot of self hate and self loathing, you might even want to stop. But just do your best, watch what thoughts pop into your head and this is the first step to claiming back your sexual power. Witnessing your sexual blocks.
SO, also a note on the body love fear. If you are currently getting down and dirty with someone who is degrading, abusive, and speaks of your body in anyway OTHER than loving and supportive, maybe it is time to reassess your current sexy friend and be more mindful of who you let into your energy. I mean this person is literally ENTERING your body, so his negative, judgemental or horrid energy is literally all up in yours, so it is no wonder you are left feeling insecure and yick.
Soul connection, lovely lady, is the key to an abundant human life. Now I know it can be scary as shit to let someone in and around your heart space, ESPECIALLY when you have had it torn away from you. But without our loving experiences what is the point of life? It’s so important to reconnect to this space when you are embarking on sexual ventures, if you are feeling blocks in this area, I do energy work, visualisations and bring guidance through in my sessions to help you clear this. But I urge you to be brave, start with spending a few extra minutes making eye contact before tearing his clothes off, or a few extra moments allowing him time to kiss and caress your sexy bod, weather it is true love, or a sexy fling, you can still embark on a soul connecting adventure together (note I always encourage caution on the fling situation as for woman, our body's (hormones) are literally designed to bond/fall and fall hard, after sex) but it is still do able, but do mentally prepare yourself of the potential consequences. By the way, you deserve love, and connection incase you forgot, because I know I sure had.
I have in the past created guilt, shame, blocks and fear around embracing pleasure. Not just in sex but in life. I am a beauty therapist and I massage and provide relaxing and pleasing treatments to others but when it came to receiving, I really fucking struggled, I would feel guilty if it was my turn to get a massage. With food, I would find it hard to let anyone see me eat, especially in my teen years, horrified at the thought of someone seeing me enjoying eating my food, but this habit followed me into my adult years also, or receiving help, support, love or compliments of any form really, was a huge block for me. SO of course when it came to sex, for a lot of my sex life so far, I had been all about pleasing the man, and my wants, desires and pleasure came last, even if he wanted me to experience pleasure. It is something I held a lot of shame, guilt and anxiety around, being seen in my pleasure state. I blame society and patriarchy and lifetimes of incorrect teachings of sex but how do we change our thought patterns around receiving pleasure? Well by giving pleasure to ourselves through sexy self love, energy healing, affirmations “I am worthy of pleasure in abundance”, exploring ourselves, and doing more that pleases us in life! Noticing the feelings coming up, but not letting them rule our decisions, choosing to witness the pleasure block, and choosing to explore a different path.
Okay and last but not least, if your sexy friend hates foreplay, and it is simply not an option, well my opinion, GET A NEW ONE. Some men do have there own fears and insecurities around foreplay though so this is something that needs to be talked about. Men do not have a pussy, breasts or a womans mental state so honey, sometimes it is in your hands to verbalise, show, instruct or encourage him in the right direction that will please you. Foreplay can be just as stimulating, exciting and a turn on for a man as it can be for a woman if you are doing it right so take turns, if a man hates foreplay he obviously aint doing it right, so educate him if he is open honey, because you need it. A lot of the time women need love to enjoy sex and men need sex to feel loved. We don’t need to be IN love to enjoy sex but we do need to feel like our partners love our bodies, love the noises we make, the feel of our skin etc etc so it is important that you both take your time. Try not to rush, or focus on the end goal (orgasm) instead, think of every stroke, caress, kiss, lick, suck and tingle as an orgasm in itself. By doing so you are heading in the right direction to take your sex to a whole range of new and magical levels.
A little note a woman takes on average 20 mins of direct stimulation to climax while a man takes approx 5 mins, soooooo, it is NORMAL if you take a while, and that my friends, is why I believe it is important to embrace foreplay in all its sexy glory. Lots of Love Amy Dee xxo