A new year is here, and I had decided that this year, I would live more consciously from my soul, less ego more soul.
So it is no surprise that as soon as this intention had been set, and brought to my attention that the universe is putting in my path many a mile stone to tackle, signs in there many forms and examples of ego living for me to learn from.
With that said, what I would like to write about today is the very big issue that I see occurring all around me and especially within the spiritual world, one of the biggest ego driven fears there is for us spiritual folk which is really, a bit of a contradiction, the fear of living in our ego.
Well maybe it is just me, but I seem to spend so much time as of late trying NOT to live in ego, that I end up spending a lot of time in the push, push fear based nature of my EGO, trying to push my EGO to the side to see more of that beautiful soul that I squish down under all this fricken EGO.
For those who think I am just talking about having a big head or a lot of toot my own horn energy, that is only one aspect of ego, and to be honest, internally sometimes I could do with a shit load more of this form of ego. But no this is not the only form of ego there is.
Ego is the part of your mind, the ever rambling thoughts that fill your being with clutter, fear and bullshit lies, the lies your mind tells yourself to keep you small and the human version of safe. Ego is the part of you that will make you feel that materialistic items will make you a better human, someone worthy of love and happiness. Ego is the part of you that wants to follow society driven beliefs. Ego is the part of you that tells you beauty is only skin deep. Ego is the part of you that will fill you with self doubt, trying to scare you out of moving into what you were truly born here to do and to scare you off being who you really are. Ego is the part of you that will struggle to face the shadows of yourself, that will ignore truth and realism to protect your “self” or the version of “self” that you have created in your ego mind. Ego is the part of you that will stay with a partner without love, without passion and without intimacy out of fear of change, loneliness, and unknown. Ego is the part of you that will keep you on edge while making love to a partner, out of fear of being truly seen, out of fear that if you let yourself truly relax, and enjoy the ride that you will be persecuted for being the sexual being that you are, after centuries of the act being taboo, labeled disgusting and dirty. And ego is the part of your mind that blocks the intuitive thoughts, feelings, messages and signals of which direction your soul wants you to go, if you let it get out of hand.
Hence why us spiritual peps, and intuitive lovers can feel fear of living in our ego.
I recently experienced a big bout of ego living with a previous sexy friend. He was doing seemingly nothing (in his mind) when all of a sudden a whole lot of suppressed emotions, thoughts and feelings bubbled to the surface. Lets just say I threw a wee bit of a haka maka! (Who else uses that term, please say I’m not the only one).
I found myself acting legit like a child, border line stamping my feet and squealing. Because well, I’m human and I was scared to speak what I really felt, thought and needed. SO I suppressed it, surrendered to my ego and let it rip.
I toddled on to work, he went home tail between his legs, hating and confused as to WTF just happened and I wallowed for the rest of the day in my own sorrow, anxiety and anger, ashamed at how I still, after all this time, after all the work I have done on myself, on my soul and on my mindful ways would still allow myself to lower my vibration to ego living.
Ego can stop us living the life we truly crave, yes, but it is important to acknowledge that we ALL have one. So when placing judgement on another for the surfacing of there own, try to have a little bit of love for the situation, as ego truly can be a prison within ourselves, and we all have these moments, EVEN when we are spiritual.
This is just something I am learning every day and feel that it is seriously NOT something to bash ourselves about. To be conscious of yes, but to fear no.
While yes, it is so important to apologize, admit our wrongs and ego driven actions not only to whom we may have hurt, but to ourselves (who in all honesty, we probably hurt even more). I believe the shame and the judgement we put on ego living in the spiritual community is something that is tripping a lot of us up! Spiritual peps, we are spiritual because we love the life, the soul connection, the higher guidance and the light life. We are NOT spiritual because we are not human. We reincarnated to this time, to this place, into this body and mind to be a HUMAN and with that comes ego.
Weather or not I will ever tame my ego for good, I HIGHLY doubt, but for now I am taking the road of the wild.
I believe by allowing my ego to rise next to me consciously, beside me, and my beautiful soul that my growth will be greater than the life I will have if I chose a life of constantly battling with it.
The goal is not to eliminate ego, the goal is to recognize ego, when it raises, when it dominates, and why. Dance with the balance and see how you go. But please beauties, do not try to push ego down, as she is ever present and when she is suppressed, bashed and abandoned she will only wreck havoc.
Lots of Love Amy Dee xxo